And the winner is…

I would like to think that America has come a long way since July 4, 1776. Although very young and run by a government formed on outdated thoughts and ideas, America has been quietly and not so quietly changing over the last 235 years. To this day, I shake my head at some of the nonsense the Founding Fathers came up with, but when you give power and a pen to a bunch of rich, racist white men, you pretty much get what you pay for. With this closed-minded thinking continuing today, our only saving grace is hearing when old racists like Strom Thurmond finally die off.

Unfortunately with every one that dies off, there’s another waiting to take over and continue pushing America back hundreds of years. And speaking of pushing America back hundreds of years, I give you the modern day “Beauty Pageant.”

No matter how much I try to wrap my brain around this chauvinistic tradition, I still can’t see one good reason for “whatever this is.” And what is it? P.T Barnum staged the first Modern American Beauty Contest in 1854, only to be shut down by public protest.

How can a bad idea that was protested and stopped 154 years ago still be going on today? The answer: MAN. It’s the only thing left fueling man’s mindless quest for superiority over the female race. The problem with this theory is we all know that women are far more superior and always will be. Say what you want, but if I had breasts and a vagina, I would rule the world. It’s too easy. Men are idiots and I will prove this by putting two words together: STRIP CLUB.

Strip Club: The gathering of pathetic, delusional men that act like boobs and vaginas were just invented and the stripper is the first prototype off of the assembly line. The Stripper only proves my theory of superiority by leaving the club with all the money from these idiots.

When I think about how degrading beauty pageants are to women, I think of Women’s Suffrage and what great ladies like Rosa Parks went through to change simple-minded thinking. How do we wipe out any progress for women’s equality, put them onstage and let a bunch of douche bags judge them. This isn’t the first time humans have been paraded in front of rich, racist, egotistical, narcissists that clearly have no respect or regard for human dignity – I’m just surprised it still continues today.

These days our kids are exposed to so many things via the internet and reality television, it’s hard to truly know what they’re thinking or feeling. With the alarming number of teen suicides blamed on low self esteem and societal alienation, a beauty pageant is the epitome of everything that is wrong in society today. How can you tell your children not to judge one another, when all they see in a pageant is women being judged? Only a “Beauty Pageant” can gather a group of the most beautiful women in the world, pick one winner and send the others away feeling UGLY and INADEQUATE. Give me an “M”, M! give me an “E”, E! , give me an “N”, N! , what’s that spell? MEN! I can’t hear you, MEN! One more time, MEN! YAY!!!!!!!

One question that continues to haunt my brain is, what would make a women want to be exposed to this kind of abuse? To be a contestant is clearly a lifestyle and not something you just decide to do overnight. If you asked every woman what made them enter one of these horrible contests, I guarantee it would lead to an awful childhood story and some despicable excuse for a mother or father forcing them to participate against their will. A Child Pageant is a blatant and offensive form of child abuse on steroids that should have been banned years ago. If you’re a parent that forces (and I use forces because that’s the only word that’s appropriate) your child to do this, SHAME ON YOU and you should be arrested and locked up for child abuse. What’s next, letting your child do Kiddie Porn?

Of course in true Hollywood fashion, someone has to get rich exploiting children and for this – I introduce the greedy, scumbag network executive. I would use words like shocked and offended to describe how I feel of this show’s existence, but that would be scratching the surface of how disgusted I truly am.

How any network executive or show producer can sit back and feel good about profiting from child abuse is beyond me, but then again, it is Hollywood.

There are so many people responsible for such a tasteless show to come to fruition, but without the awful parents of these children it wouldn’t exist. To the parents living vicariously through their children to make up for their own lost hopes and shattered dreams, I have some advice: Try doing something you’ve never done before, BEING A GOOD PARENT. Are these pathetic excuses for parents the only ones we should blame or do we blame everyone involved? I say everyone involved including the narcissist that owns this degrading, exploitive franchise.

Is it false hope to think that modern day public will become smart enough to protest like the brilliant folks of 1854? One would think that we’ve grown up and become a little more sophisticated to see the wrong in this barbaric, offensive MAN behavior, but then again we are dealing with a severely flawed human race and I might be asking for way too much.

So who’s the winner? No one.

Flag On the field..Illegal use of hair product

Flag on the field…. Illegal use of hair product

Over the last few years, I’ve found myself watching more and more sports on television. It’s no secret that I’m a huge race car fan, but these days my desire to follow a variety of different sports can only be attributed to the fact that I’m getting older in age. I can’t say I have a favorite team; however growing up in New York has grandfathered me in to cheering for any New York team that’s in a major sporting event. One sport that I’ve continued to follow since childhood is the NFL. I would never consider myself a psychotic fan of football, but someone who respects and enjoys the talent and competitiveness of the game. With the Green Bay Packers as World Champions and the official end of the NFL season, I would like to talk about a confusingly awful trend that has taken over the NFL; LONG HAIR.

Some would argue that I’m being hypocritical since I spent a career with long hair, but to my defense, I was a Rock Star. As a Rock Star, I had a license to act and look different than other people and quite frankly it was expected. Call me crazy, but the NFL player has always been synonymous with size, strength, and athletic ability; not with having hair like Farrah Fawcett.

Don’t get me wrong, I would never question one’s individuality when it’s relevant to their life, but I can’t think of one reason why a Football Player would have long hair. I’m sure some ignorant individual will use culture as an excuse, but that just insults my intelligence. You can research history and never find a reason why an NFL Player that is Samoan, Jamaican or any other nationality has a cultural responsibility to look like Diana Ross. Last time I checked, Troy Polamalu is the strong safety for the Steelers, not a Tribal Chief.

The amount of players with long hair is staggering and offensive. As the number of players grows, so grows the length of hair and how ridiculous they look. Speaking of ridiculous, Ladies and Gentleman please put your hands together and welcome, Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk. I’m sorry; did I miss the memo saying that looking like a Bad Craigslist Transvestite was hip?

JUST IN!!! Nike will be manufacturing a “high heeled” cleat so these two idiots can wear them during the game. Comfort on and off the field, that’s what Nike is about (oh, and Nike is also about being rude, offensive and not helping 30 boys in rehab during Christmas time, but that’s a whole other blog).

Side Note: Dear Tom Brady, please stop… the talent, the huge salary, the trophy wife… Now long hair, really? I have a thought, instead of washing, conditioning and blow drying your ridiculous hair do, spend a little time in the play book. You’re welcome…

For as long as I can remember, NFL players would work out, polish their skills and during playoff time grow a beard to look intimidating and threatening. These days, the players are doing shampoo commercials, insuring their hair and talking about how they condition their pretty locks at press conferences. Talk about a tremendous disappointment to the kids that look up to these players. Do you think future NFL hopefuls want to hear about their favorite player’s shampoo or how they worked to achieve their career goals and dreams? I have great respect for an athlete that has the ability to achieve this kind of success and it’s a shame that something so ridiculous and irrelevant would take the focus away from what’s most important.

With this problem clearly out of control, we should all be glad Vince Lombardi isn’t alive to see this sad decline of the NFL. Coach Lombardi was famously known for hating facial hair and I would love to hear his thoughts on the amount of players with long hair today. Ironically, the trophy brandishing his name was won by the team he had coached for so many years, as well as the team that houses the worst offenders of this long hair epidemic. Now we can only sit back, wait for next season and hope some of these players with long hair realize how stupid they truly look.

So this is Christmas?

As a child, my fondest memories will always revolve around friends and Christmas. A simple time where imagination and fantasy was our world wide web and talking was how we communicated especially when it came to sports, toys and a Christmas list. To a kid, the Sears Christmas Catalog was the Holy Grail for toys. It had every toy imaginable, sending us into a frenzy that would last for hours as we circled everything on our wish list. Most kids had to wait for the catalog, but my best friends Mom worked for Sears, so we always had it before anyone else on the block.

Today, the Holiday Season is different in so many ways. A disappointing evolution that has me asking, where did we go wrong? At what point did we go from a society of caring, generous individuals, to a greedy, barbaric race of people whose only agenda is Self Gratification. The frightening reality of this very new, very disconnected generation is that they will eventually destroy this holiday along with everything else they touch. I would be remiss to only blame the flawed human and not put some blame on technology, the stores and the worst offender of all, The Media. It’s within this despicable brew of lies and sensationalism where awful traditions are passed down and praised to the extent of guilt for one’s lack of participation. One of the worst of these offensive traditions is the dreaded Black Friday.

Black Friday is a cruel experiment that turns once normal people into vicious animals consumed with false hopes of saving a buck. A blatant example of Modern Day Terrorism, this awful case study on human behavior preys on ignorance, fear and the will to survive. I can’t think of any other day that begins with an old lady getting trampled by a bunch of heartless assholes trying to save four dollars on a piece of shit Flat Screen TV. When will humans finally evolve and understand the phrase “if it’s too good to be true”… To embrace Black Friday is to embrace the evil machine’s manipulation and control of your every move, by simply focusing on the one bad trait given to all – GREED. What would motivate a person to stand in line for two days at Wal-Mart, in sub zero temperatures, for a less than one percent chance of buying a piece of shit lap top or flat screen TV… I know! I know! GREED!

Side Note: In many of these cases IGNORANCE can be substituted for GREED. Both usually apply.

If you stood in line at Wal-Mart, you’re a moron. To prove my point, please enjoy some bullet points:

1. It’s Wal-Mart
2. It’s usually freezing
3. They only stock one piece of shit Lap top or flat screen , but you’ll line up anyway
4. If you can’t afford it on a normal day, you can’t afford it now
5. Any questions, See 1 thru 4

To the many that stayed home on Black Friday, you’re clearly wise and have common sense. For the idiots that stood in lines and traded frostbite for a 14 cents savings on a video game, hit yourself with a hammer until you pass out because you’re a dummy. As for me, I’ll proudly wear my Mistletoe Belt Buckle and enjoy my holiday no matter what craziness is going on in the world.

And with that, Mr. December says: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.